Troon to be Paved Over

Much shock and horror in The Troon Times about plans to build 45 million new homes in the fields in the north of the town. Incomers are expected to be dirty poor people and certainly not the people who we're used to. Rumours are going round that these hideous people will drop litter, clog our pavements with their reckless walking activities and generally make our lives hell. The underlying tone of The Troon Times is that these bastards should find some rock somewhere (preferably the far side of Irvine) to plant their tents and LEAVE OUR TOWN ALONE.

Of course, the average age of the Troon resident is 114, so waiting a few years should mean there are a few more houses available.

Bloody people.

Troon in Glasgow

I'm originally Glaswegian. I met a Scot in Spain a few years ago, I asked him where he was from. He said "Glasgow". Presumably he didn't think I had a Glasgow accent. I asked him where in Glasgow he was from. "Erm, Troon". So there you are, Troon in Glasgow. I'm sure there's a long and sad story behind this man's reluctance to admit where he's from. Perhaps he said Troon to cover up that he's really from Dundonald..?

This is My Troon

And another thing. The Troon Business Association. Lovely. No idea what they're at. I gave up on Troon businesses. Went to the greengrocers on Portland Street. Over-priced minimalist choice. Fair enough for a small shop. But the service was off-hand and snooty. Never went back. And the shoe repair shop. I unwisely asked if they could repair my briefcase. The short version of what he said was "No". The long version was "No, I can't". And the printers? Oh yes. I wanted business cards, complements slips, headed notepaper. They take my name, take my details, say they'll get back to me with a quote. And nobody ever does. And that was two different, unconnected printers in Troon. So I spend my money elsewhere.

Bloody communists.